Draft 10

This is a later draft of the film, however there are some minor issues. The first is the opening credits; where the credits read 'Mickey' it should read 'Michael Dearsley'. This is because it is more professional to have a full name, the shortening was used earlier as a place holder to make it easier to edit. Another part I want to change is near the end where it cross cuts between the character in present day and the other character walking out; here I think that the non-diagetic sound used throughout should run over quietly to the reality sequence. This will make the sound transitions less jaded and cumbersome.

Draft 9

Feedback & how to improve: 0:46 - Oridiginal Score, dropped frame 3:50 - Callum lying [shorter] 4:10 - Music to fade out when no woosh. Make music fade. 4:30 - Music ADD Peer said: The lighting is good, the way there is a cut from shot to shot is highly emotive. The way we have captured the relationship between the brothers, and the pain that can be caused after death and how it is expressed through the shots is extremely inspiring.

 

From the feedback from Facebook it is clear that the music and visuals are very effective. However some aspects of the film are difficult to understand. 

Draft 7

Evaluation
After re-watching this edit I noticed that there are some dropped frames throughout. Also there are issues with the non-diegetic sound near the end as it seems to randomly play. The man walking at the end of the sequence needs to be removed as the build up to this part has been taken out, so he doesn't fit into the narrative anymore. This also means that the sound of the car needs to be taken out and it should end on the funeral letter. Although I think that this letter should zoom in not out.

Review Draft 1

The Absence of Life

Plot

Marc (Hurley) is alone after the death of his older brother, looking onto the faded line between reality and his memories. As the short film moves on the grief fuelled memories become realistic hallucinations; making it near impossible to tell reality from the illusions of his past.

Review

Being one of Callum Hurley’s first off stage performance he really pushes his acting ability with the grief stricken Marc as he comes to terms with his older siblings death. ‘The Absence of Life’ is set during a day sometime after his brother’s demise where Marc is struggling to tell the difference between reality and fantasy as he remembers his brother. A major contribution to this isolated feeling is the cinematography, using close ups and depth of field to create the atmosphere felt in the film. This visual style coupled with the original score by Wimble makes the atmosphere consistent throughout.  It is very clear that the flashbacks are filmed in a natural setting as the younger versions of Marc and his late brother are playing like children play, which hits home that emotional connection. The story slowly builds to the suggested ending, allowing the audience to know what happened to the older brother.

Verdict

The short film is well shot, acted and written; allowing Hurley to flaunt his acting range, using subtle tears to leave the audience feeling emotional. Making the film an all-around decent film and worth the watch. 

I am going to change some of the wording, and put it into a format that is usually seen within professional reviews, using images from the film and posters.

Draft 6

The latest draft of the footage shot. The final flashback scene (basketball scene) has been added to the end of the short. The main issue with doing this is that where it is placed seems forced and does not fit well into the flow of the film. So the basketball flashback will have to be placed more carefully into the scene.
To change the jilting feeling of the basketball scene it could be cut into the final cross cutting scene between the main character and the older brother walking. The footage at the end of the flashback (when he gets it through the hoop) could cut to the older brother stepping off the pavement.
There are some other minor editing flaws.
Also the relationship between the main character and his brother when they are older is very vague and there is no connection between them. This will have to be changed, the more obvious solution is to completely re film the ending and take out the older brother from the sequence. It can also be done by using both the younger versions of themselves and the older versions to create the connection between the characters.

Draft 5-addition

For this draft there have been changes made:

• The way the font fades out, a gausian blur has been added which increases to the end of the fade out which gives it more of a ghostly and stylistic effect. 
• The music with the new pieces that we recorded yesterday, there are two pieces one in D-Minor and one in G-Minor as the G-minor sounds more happy, in comparison with D-minor but it still has the melancholy minor scale. 
• The title has changed, it is now "in the Absence of Life" as it tells the audience the story behind  the main character, as there is much of his story that is assumed by the audience.

Evaluation

During this draft I feel that the flashback montage is a key aspect of the film, however the current narrative doesn't allow for the younger boys to be fully integrated into the film, thus the audience will not fully understand the reason behind it. 

The opening dream sequence is also a very impressive and key point of the film, however this sequence is very different to the child montage sequence and the audience may be confused as to the characters relationships. 

Some of the most interesting shots and sound effects are around the 'Coffee sequence'. The slow zoom toward 'Marc' sat on the empty Sofa and the only sound is the ticking clock draw the audience into the scene; while the coffee pouring sequence is also aesthetically pleasing.

The improvement of the sound in the final edit because it is the final composition from Helen.

After watching the film I have noticed continuity errors, which should be fixed in editing. Some I have noticed at the start of the film as there is a short break between the 'Marc' waking up and him lifting his arm, this slows the feel of the film and makes it jump; this can be fixed in the edit. 

To improve the flashback sequences and there integration with the rest of the short film there needs to be another flashback scene which allows for the audience to see the siblings when they are older and during there teenage years. We have planned to shoot a basketball sequence when they are older to show the age progression. This second flashback will be shot in a similar style to the sea montage with the same lighting effects, this will allow for the audience to place the two scenes together. 

The final candle shot of the film is a symbol to show the end of the brothers life, however the shot seems detached and separate from the rest of the sequence. To fix this there needs to be a visual link between the rest of the sequence and the candle. A way to do this is to add a photo of the two brothers at the beginning of the short, putting the photo frame next to the candle will fix the visual link. However the genre of the film and its style does allow to leave the film with an open ended narrative, this will cause the audience to make their own assumptions about the older brother.

Draft 5

A small add to the coffee scene were the letter box opens as a close up before cutting away. This makes it seems as if the scene moves faster than it did before. However I feel that the first close-up of the letter box opening doest work with the rest of the scene and it feels redundant.

Draft 4

This is the draft she there is music before flashback sequence, as it can create a juxtaposition with the other music changing the key.
In this draft the music start before the flashback sequence, just after the envelope drops. This means it can ceate a juxtaposition with the other music changing key. However I think that the music at this point needs to be slowly faded in

Draft 3

This is the 3rd draft of our film, I like the clock ticking in the coffee scene as I think it adds tension, something that the original idea of silence didnt do. However I do feel that in the coffee scene it would be more effective if it cut to the envelope dropping slightly later

Variations of the sounds within the Coffee shot

Here are 4 variations of the Coffee-Though Process where the sound changes; silent, static, ticking clock, dripping tap and ticking clock + dripping tap.
In the last three the volume increases,this increases the tension in the scene which is then broken by the dropping of the envelope dropping

Second draft of the ending

This is the end of the film a candle being blown out has been added to symbolise the characters death. This is because the audience did not feel that they understood the characters death.

Draft 1

The draft is really good for the first edit however:

The music shouldn’t continue all the way through the film as I think that ruins the feel of the film as I think that silence will work better in its place. Where music is used the ambient sound should be muted. The first set of music should stop when he wakes up. The cutting should be more in time with the music. 

When the camera tracks in to him when hes on the sofa just make it static or silent. I would say use the sound of rushing waves and water as that is a good sound for drowning out sound and thought. Get rid of the dolly zoom on the table as it just doent fit the rest of the film (it is too stylised for the rest of the shots).  Make the door slam much louder.

Add a crash sound at the end Just to hammer it home and add one shot of him looking ‘into’ the camera.